this blog is the place where reflections gathered from reflection and experience with public encounters will become the source of new writing on the subjects of Identity, Difference vs. Division, male/not Man (journal).… it will also be the place where i publish a series of writings i’ve made over the last 18 months dealing with my coming out (MTF stories), with radical philosophy, with hopes and dreams and struggles that edify my life.
i’m 60 years old. i live with my cat, we’re in love.
i think too much and i’m an emotional wreck. i keep going…
i’m learning to overcome identifying with identities which i understand as being socially created. i am not “White”, not “American” heck, not “Man”… all of these identities are adopted by choice.
when i say that i am a Transgender Woman, i am being as precise as i can. i do not claim to be a female. i am and always will be a male. but males and females are not so different that one can’t easily slide the balance so far that one appears to be the other from external appearances, and i’m delighted that i can and am doing that! i am serious about not being a Man.
i understand from studies that Hierarchy appeared in the course of human social evolution and began to fundamentally alter our relations among each other and the world as a species maybe 10,000 years ago. Hierarchy as a basic point of view creates the possibility for Domination and Exploitation and is the fundamental cause of psychological alienation and despair. Hierarchy is the matrix from which our Patriarchy, Racism and Oligarchy emerges… and subjects us as its Objects to its illusory and unhealthy dogmas of Division and Rank. Hierarchy is what divides us with Gender from each other and from our own selves too.
my family background, how i was raised and by whom give me strong motive to learn not to identify with identities based on division.
i want to avoid living in such a way as to ignore the implications of the studies i’ve made. it is a very daunting road to take. by definition, to the extent that one is able to create and live an identity which does not adhere to the stricture that division is real, one becomes further and further alienated from the mainstream of society.
believe me i know. i am not an academic living in an ivory tower of like-minded people. for 45 years i’ve worked as a house-painter, a cab driver, a print production artist, a call center operator and now as a surveillance observer in an Indian casino in a small military town in the desert. low wage, semi-skilled… paycheck-to-paycheck. i get along with people based on my bubbling personality and wit, but when people really start to catch a whiff that, for instance, i think males and females are both versions of the same thing, with males being a specialized derivative from the matrix which is always and across the cosmos, female…. well, i don’t get many visitors, phone calls or invitations to go out.