wrapped up in a Man suit

i was born male. that’s just a fact. but i could have been born into a culture in which the gender “Man” would be nothing like what i know from my involuntary and compromising indoctrination in this Patriarchal, delusional madness.

i’m not a member of a band of gatherer-hunters, with their egalitarian ways, their organic integration with the Planet, with Life, their sense of belonging to and with each other so much closer than what we who’ve split ourselves into Hierarchical strata can really imagine…

nor do i wish to be one. what has been learned can’t be denied. the last 10,000 years have taken us so far, there’s nothing for it but to hope to make something new, as it was for us Humans when we took the tack we’ve taken way back then.

my desire is for human society to evolve past this delusional stage in which males and females are divided from one another for the exclusive privilege of the males acting as Men. my sympathy for other males causes me to yearn for a day when none of us can even remember what a Man was.

taking apart the package that had me wrapped up in a Man suit was nothing i meant to do, but i was called to it and motivated by Love… i love myself, i’m not ashamed of being a male. i did nothing to make that so, it’s just what happened. but that was a great disappointment for my Mother, me being her third and last chance… at age 41. Mom wanted me to be a female. she always told me that my name was going to be bronwen and made sure i never forgot that.

Mom was a Radical Feminist, she became a Lesbian at 70 years of age. she was a scholar of parthenogenesis, and she taught me about how we are all developed in the womb from the same basic set of organs, males changing into a variant of the female…

Mom held Men responsible for the evils of this world which are all social evils actually… “Man-made”… evil being a concept born of Division and Hierarchy… Mom knew a lot about and experienced much exploitation, aggression, violence, which she dedicated her life to abolishing. dedicated to creating a society where Women lived beyond terror and trauma and would find peace and freedom at last… she believed that as long as there were Men, this would never come to pass. Mom took it upon herself to school me… she made me aware of the absolutely unacceptable situation and who was to blame for maintaining it for their greed and vain ignorant selves.

my confusion over this message was severe. i knew my Mother loved me, yet she held not a dram of tolerance for Men or any of their ways… she considered any utterance or act by a Man as being laden with hooks and snares designed to maximize the Man’s position over the Woman’s… no matter how innocent or charitable a Man’s behavior was, it was suspect at all times. Mom wanted Men to be GONE.

but wasn’t i a Man? Mom, tell me what to do… how can i escape??? if you say that i’m beautiful, that i can do better than what’s been expected of me as a Man… how do i do it??

Mom was the kind of teacher who knew that the kind of knowledge that fundamentally changes a person must be gained through struggle. this is knowledge that comes with experience and pain and commitment, born of necessity…

eventually i resolved the dilemma with the epiphany that allowed me to think of myself as a biological male, a Human Being whose elements were derived from the female matrix… but not in the same biological, real sense a “Man”.

i was a Man because i was born into a world dominated by males who had developed social identities for both sexes which allowed them exploit and dominate… once the sexes are seen as being divided, opposite… dominance and exploitation are possible.

my Mother loved her male baby and wept for her loss as the society she bore him into threw him into the maelstrom and pit him against her… she loved me enough to allow me to learn that through my own work on myself, i could strive to erase the Man in me and become a truly male person, unified with their/her/his sister/brothers and others… once again… ❤ ∞ ☯

 

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