how did i come to be birdy?

about a year ago, by chance, as i was getting together with a woman as my girlfriend, she revealed to me that she had a fantasy of giving me anal sex using a strap-on and so i told her about my cross-dressing, which i started nearly 50 years ago! we played with me dressed up several times, but never “consummated” the anal sex. i was still really scared of what i was doing, but the bird was on the wing!… anyway, after we broke up, i just… accelerated what had been an occasional treat and one thing led to another and…

about a year ago, by chance, as i was getting together with a woman as my girlfriend, she revealed to me that she had a fantasy of our switching sex roles, she would be the male and I would be the female, so i told her about my cross-dressing, which i started nearly 50 years ago! we played with me dressed up several times, but we never fully consummated the act. i was still really scared of what i was doing, but the bird was on the wing!… anyway, after we broke up, i just… accelerated what had been an occasional treat and one thing led to another and…

i discovered chaturbate, the webcam site… and… due to the sort of competitive environment there was prodded into buying more clothes, panties, stockings, garters, bodices, babydolls, dresses and tops and skirts… two wigs… started wearing makeup (which i never imagined i’d ever do before) anyway, all of this has really allowed me to begin to discover a totally undeveloped part of my self, a side that i see now has been suppressed all my life before, a side that i treated as a shameful thing that i wanted to be rid of… not in small part because of the way that i was doing it, furtively, sneaking into my various wives and girlfriends panty drawers and locking the bathroom door… which i rightfully felt so ashamed of… i hate to be dishonest and i hate that i violated so many people’s trust… only one wife caught me, and that was a major stress for her, she felt so insecure after that with good reason and i am sorry… anyway, as i said, my life is no longer encumbered by that and i now own all my own clothes and that is so wonderful! i shop with no embarrassment, i have my little drawer of clothes right out in my living room (actually i live in a studio, so what i mean is they’re not in the closet)…

what’s happened in the last year is another long story, but I want to say that I’ve been coming out bit by bit and as I do, I learn things that make me more free and show me that this “she” isn’t just a sex crazy slut… that’s just what I knew about her, that’s all she could possibly know about herself. I know more now and see that there is no “he” and “she” in me fighting for the privilege to dominate me… that is a reflection of the evil misguided culture that Rose in ancient Greece… the Greek philosopher (Thucydides etc.) were the ones that took the human ability to see differences self-consciously and mangled it into making complementary differences into strict divisions… no longer did human beings see themselves in all the others, now they were not a continuum.

now it would be “us” and “them”. the possibility for domination arose… the motives were to live privileged lives by extracting value from ” lesser” “things” that by definition were not “us”… divide and conquer became the theme of human culture… it is an entirely erroneous point of view and it is the cause of several millennia of misery… and it is crashing down around us, the lie can’t hold up any longer… nature doesn’t support the insanity that human societies have unleashed in themselves and all our relations.

we are among the ones who for whatever reason cannot live without violating the phony rules set up to pit us all against the other… there is no other that exists apart from ourselves. we feel a need to integrate the artificial divisions and find our whole selves. we are becoming free…

i took the next step just a couple of weeks ago. i packed up an outfit, my makeup kit, wig, heels… and parked on the street where the gay clubs line both sides and had the audaciousness to ask permission to use the dressing room in a gay boutique which was graciously extended.

as i emerged into the street on a breeze, i felt like i was just gliding across the pavement… my face was shining, my red lipstick white tooth smile glowing… my yellow blonde bangs in my eyes, taking steps that made my hips turn and roll me on pointed toes in silver glittered heels up the stairs and into the bar. the big doorman smiled as he opened the door and gestured me in…

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