here i was, all the way away from anyone, more than a mile down dirt till a clearing that saw the road drift on into the horizon as just a couple of dusty ruts... perfect! i unloaded the table and a chair, only one though, this was just practice... getting some footage to play with … Continue reading at The Outpost… wherever it happens to be.
09 jan 2018 posted on facebook there has got to be a solution. here i am with all this terribly historic and awfully important stuff going on in the last two days, and NOT A SINGLE SELFIE to show for it! irresponsible, just plain sloppy, call it what you will, but it HAS to stop! … Continue reading a bongo and a bra to bring us beyond!
The Outpost, Arenas Road, 11:00 am - 1:30 pm, 15 dec 2017 The Outpost had it's second public try-out yesterday, again on Arenas Road in Palm Springs, again on a public sidewalk. i arrived at about quarter to eleven and did a quick reconnoiter to find the spot where on tuesday, the proprietor of the … Continue reading Joseph finds a moment’s respite, The Outpost is still looking.
"Pensar es una opción, actuar es vivir" — Marvin Diz i'm moving past the preoccupation i've had with sorting out my thinking about being trans and going back to experiencing it. it feels like a long night has just ended. i look down at my navel and see the pink diamond head of my new … Continue reading The Outpost begins.
28 november 2017 "Living systems... are by definition "open self-organizing systems that have the special characteristics of life and interact with their environment. This takes place by means of information and material-energy exchanges..." — Elaine Parent, 'The Living Systems Theory of James Grier Miller', 1996. in Wikipedia "Autopoietic systems are "structurally coupled" with their medium, … Continue reading autopoiesis.
yesterday i went to my psychologist. we talked. actually as always, i talked and talked and he just patiently waited for me to lose my breath to speak his always authoritative and insightful thoughts. which is why i go to him, every two weeks. because i trust him and he's smart and helpful and means … Continue reading Trans troubles.
i came into this from the wilderness. i have no formal academic background, but i've read a little and i think a lot. since i was a very young person i've been reading to find information that i can apply to my existential difficulties in real life. i've come to learn that these existential difficulties … Continue reading the infinity of my heart, in this world
i'm happy. i think i've begun to get the idea now. the idea being that Men and Women are classes of people, these are identity markers that have nothing to do with any actual individual... not their biology anyway, only their point of view and their "station in life" are indicated by these terms... they … Continue reading calling the Men out.
...been reading a book that will change my life again. convincing me. boys and girls, Women and Men... these stay behind, as the dawn arrives, right on time. 11 november 2017 outside the gates are the wildlands whispered, warned and by dark tales forbidden where one wanders forever to be lost they say, but... inside … Continue reading one finds one
i've done it... i'm not a "Man" anymore. i was never any good at it... so now i've done it, and i'm still lost. what is my sexuality anyway? i don't know... and so... i look into the cloudy grey skies of morning in the cold breeze, and dive into my heart for warmth. ---------------------------- … Continue reading see me in their sky
The world’s definitions are one thing and the life one actually lives is quite another. One cannot allow oneself, nor can one’s family, friends, or lovers — to say nothing of one’s children — to live according to the world’s definitions: one must find a way, perpetually, to be stronger and better than that. — … Continue reading the gifts of Transgender identity
03 november 2017 i'm a girl at least, that much i know at last. there was a time, long time ago at last. i'm over the rainbow through the looking glass. i filled my closet, there's no more room in there. i took my wig off, now my hair's groomed to there. i'm in the … Continue reading i’m going, to be free
in the beginning, i knew. i wasn't going to be able to remain alive if i had to do it as a "Man". here's a sample of what was going through my mind last year as i began to wear exclusively Women's clothing in public, as i began to call myself "birdy", wear make-up, reach … Continue reading taking stock, pt.2
taking stock. last year at this time, seen from now now back then seemed just like this: starting a new life astounded in the glare of the rising sun inferno, across the abyss bathed in it's softness warming the darkness away washed awake lighting up into the dawn all doors opening wide smiles on all … Continue reading taking stock
i was reading through the comments after listening to Bronwyn Winter presenting her "Radfem" ideas about Transgender Identity on youtube and came across one which, to respect copyright considerations, i believe i must paraphrase to give an idea what i read... the comment begins with a flat out assertion: to be transgender is to have … Continue reading you may be normal, but that’s your problem, not mine…
today, in response to a heartfelt statement made by a "me too" Woman who was distressed at the conflict that keeps repeating when blame is assigned to Men for their violence... on Facebook i wrote: "i've been working on leaving the identity of Man behind, and Woman too... in favor of a new reality free … Continue reading our poor wings
i, a "Transgender Woman", find myself in agreement with what i understand to be Gender Critical theory on several of its points. that means that to some Transgender folks i'm a her-etic and a traitor, a "TERF-lover"... at the same time to at least some Gender Critical Feminists, i fail to get the actual point … Continue reading Free Gender!
i was born male. that's just a fact. but i could have been born into a culture in which the gender "Man" would be nothing like what i know from my involuntary and compromising indoctrination in this Patriarchal, delusional madness. i'm not a member of a band of gatherer-hunters, with their egalitarian ways, their organic … Continue reading wrapped up in a Man suit
there are lots of things to be confused about as a result of the fact that some people don't fit into a neat gender-binary model in which we are all "one thing or the other". classically, those of us with that experience have had to be deemed to be "sick", deformed... victims of some defect … Continue reading jail break
in 1988, i was really studying hard and making a lot of progress understanding what had happened to me at birth, being marked "Man" just because i was male... lumping me in with the crimes and delusions of 10,000 years of males twisting themselves into Men. Mary Daly set a blaze to an entire architecture … Continue reading Mary Daly wrote a book…
03 june 2017 we have much better things to do i never was a man would never want to be who would wish that on a poor boy? with all that killing hatred and false distance from the whole? while not a man a woman neither was i born is more allowed to me than … Continue reading man isn’t male
…in 1989, i was a young man… i was a secretly crossdressing young man and a seriously dedicated thinker, reading Mary Daly’s ‘Wickedary’ at the time… Mary’s mind-expanding way of demystifying Patriarchal language had me all stirred up… moved to write these lyrics and sing this song, a song that foreshadows my continual transformation in … Continue reading forgetting infinity
in the course of Human affairs, it has come to pass that yet another conflict of ideas with dire consequences for the disagreeing sides has developed, pitting the newly emboldened group of persons who fit loosely under the umbrella of "Transgender Women", known to their opponents as "Patriarchal Men in dresses" or perhaps more charitably … Continue reading this and that are the problem.
forged in a furnace of ignorance, cynicism and hubris, bronwen is born in a storm of talent, purpose and grace. i left work as Terrence for the last time on saturday the 21st of january 2017... the day the fascist sociopath took office in Washington D.C., a day that i spent sulking and refusing to … Continue reading bronwen is born
Radical Feminist theory was what nourished me in the 1980's and 1990's as i struggled to reconcile the paradox that my Mother could love me, a male... yet also establish, describe and document her absolute conviction that Men were the cause of all our troubles. i read Robin Morgan, Andrea Dworkin, bell hooks, Sonia Johnson... … Continue reading a radical feminist’s vision: “…they might succeed in becoming human.”
pretty. i look in the mirror as i dance, the music makes me so happy... i move and i sing... it's after work, i'm stripped down to my underwear, just a bikini, pink with a little lace edging. tight... i've still got my earrings, gold hoops, on... and my necklace, green beads and silver beads … Continue reading pretty.
we are among the ones who for whatever reason cannot live without violating the phony rules set up to pit us one against the other… there is no other that exists apart from ourselves. we feel a need to integrate the artificial divisions and find our whole selves. we are becoming free…
...where i'm tending toward is that "transition" isn't my goal at all... "transcendence" might be a better word. i am convinced that our existential angst — for all of us... lesbians, straights, queers, trans, intersex, asexuals, bisexuals... whatever — is rooted in our 10,000 year old descent into a concept that posits first that the … Continue reading integrated, not alienated… what her-esy!
this last couple of days off, i've been intensely busy in discussions on a Reddit group with Radical Feminists called Gender Critical. i must have written about 10 pages of material so far, today i wrote this and think it expresses something valuable when i try to understand myself. "...i am aware of my body … Continue reading the tonic
...this morning i got a comment from earthgarden on a thread i started on the Gender Critical subredd on reddit - cognitive dissonance - i was grateful for the question i was asked, here's what came of it. "...that our common origins as physical forms in the womb, as zygotes, before the sexual differentiation caused … Continue reading “What makes you think this ‘sameness’ is essentially female?”
posted on Gender Critical subreddit 27 september 2017 i have just discovered Rachael Ivey, and have posted her lecture on youtube called 'radfem response 2014' on my blog (in the 'wisdom' section of the sidebar on the right)... her talk discusses cognitive dissonance faced when the way we see things comes into contact with a … Continue reading cognitive dissonance
i am not a "Man", i am male. why do we have two sets of words to denote sex/gender? …male/Man, female/Woman... female/male seems straightforward enough, based on physical elements... that is if we are comfortable with excluding those who are born as both/neither (Intersex). but what about "Man/Woman"? Man/Woman identities are concepts... social creations imposed … Continue reading rebel spirit
"you're not really _____________... that's just a preference... but i support you / so i do not support you" posted on crossdreamlife 29 june 2017 i recently came out to one of the people who i was closest to for a decade when i lived in costa rica, a woman with whom i had been … Continue reading just a preference…
what does it mean to change my gender? to understand that, i have to describe the viewpoint i have that contextualizes the concept of gender in our Hierarchical Society, a society whose roots extend into the past, emerging out of the 140,000 year long existence of Homo Sapiens on this Planet before History. our social … Continue reading not divided, different
11-18 october 2016 ...The only thing I knew how to do Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew Tangled up in blue... — Dylan i couldn't stand it anymore. i'd given up on life... as much as i studied and pondered, i couldn't figure out why i was at the end … Continue reading out of the blue
06 - 08 october 2016 emerging into this new stage of growth, i've thought about how dressing as a Woman was for most of my life forbidden, experienced alone, solely as sexual activity. why didn't i just stay there? as i liberate my forbidden self into the world of people and relationships, i realize that … Continue reading Mom, Pop, freedom & the forbidden
about a year ago, by chance, as i was getting together with a woman as my girlfriend, she revealed to me that she had a fantasy of giving me anal sex using a strap-on and so i told her about my cross-dressing, which i started nearly 50 years ago! we played with me dressed up … Continue reading how did i come to be birdy?
10 June 2016, posted to the Ask a Sissy group well, i'm so new to any kind of community centered around this... i can only speak for myself. i echo the confusion in the original post, is it about being submissive? is it about wishing i was a woman? etc... i'm writing because i want … Continue reading i am a free sissy (the beginning of the becoming…)
the dogma of gender in our culture is an imposed set of "man-made" rules which have the purpose of mandating the behavior of individuals in society so that "mistakes will not be made" i.e. that people will see themselves divided on the basis of their sexual differences (vastly and grossly exaggerated to the point of … Continue reading cultural dictatorship of the psyche
in the last 10,000 years males have been through a profound psycho-socio-political transformation in their collective and individual identity, emerging not simply as males, a sex that is so obviously derived from the matrix of female, but as members of an "opposite sex"... a superior sex... a sex created by the Divine to take control … Continue reading meet me at The Outpost.